I feel like my baby is sucking the life out of me. I understand I am now a mother and she relies on me to live, but this is just so tough on me. My boyfriend is in the navy, currently deployed for a year of no contact. So I am doing everything on my own. I literally cannot catch a break. I do love at home with my parents and sisters, but they are honestly no help at all. My father works all day and he and I hardly have a relationship, and my mother is busy raising my 16 year old sisters 1 1/2 year old son because she's incapable, selfish and irresponsible. My sisters are either not home or don't care to help me. My mother watches her for an hour about once a week so I can shower. I don't get to do anything for myself not only want wise, but necessity wise either. I literally cannot take care of myself, I don't even feel human anymore. I can't do anything for myself.. the only time I have to do anything is when she's sleeping, because when she's awake she is constantly crying or fussing. She'll drop her binky every 5 minutes and fuss and cry nonstop until it's back in her mouth only for it to fall out again and this goes on and on. It need to be holding her or next to her 24/7 putting it back in her mouth for her to be the slightest bit quiet or calm. I'm lucky if I get to use the bathroom or eat more than 1 time a day. I'm lucky if I get to eat period, and when I do it's junk. I don't have time to cook myself a nice hot meal. I grab the first thing I see considering I'm starving and need to rush back into the other room because she'll be crying. I snack, I don't remember the last time I had a real full meal. I wanted to start working out to get my body back but that's never going to happen. The only time I have freedom is while she's asleep, it's the only time she's quiet and let's me do what I need to do. But that means I need to cut into my sleeping time. I need to chose while she's asleep, ok do I eat, shower, excessive, clean, organize, or sleep. And when she is asleep I can't even clean. Exhausted I can't do anything while it's dark, turning on lights will wake her up.. I'm anxious 99.9% of every day. When she makes the slightest noise I have a panic attack because I don't want her to cry. I'm literally typing this and pausing as she's sleeping and dropping or hitting her binky out of her mouth every 3 minutes waking herself up and crying. She also has the worst sleeping schedule which is making mine terrible too, I don't remember the last time I saw daylight or even been outside. She'll go to bed around 6-9am until about 5-7pm with wakes for feedings. She also will not sleep anywhere longer than 15 minutes without waking up besides my bed which I don't want. I just don't Feel human anymore. I'm angry and anxious all day every day and my miserable family makes it worse. I never thought having a baby would make me so miserable. My room is a pig sty rn because I don't have time to organize or clean it. Everything I do I need to do with a baby in my arm, or with screaming if I put her down while awake to do anything. This is going to sound awful but I can't help thinking every day, why couldn't I have been blessed with a nice, calm, quiet, easy baby like all of my friends. I get so impatient and angry. All I want to do right. Ow is take a long nice shower for once, and the first time in over a week and I can't because she keeps waking herself up. I can't keep doing this all on my own every day. I'm drained. I'm depressed. I'm alone. This isn't human. I feel like my life is a chore 24/7 and I don't get time for myself ever anymore. I find myself having to take breaks and leaving the room when she has episodes of crying nonstop after trying everything but I've found that even when she's doing nothing or just keeps dropping the binky and waking herself up I just get so anxious and I need to leave the room and not be around her. Just Looking at her gives me anxiety.. I already have mental disorders and anxiety off the wall. She's only 8 weeks old and I'm already giving up.  Am I the only one that feels this way? I feel awful about it but I feel my life is being sucked out of Me.