One More or No?

Question

This isn't necessarily TTC, but it is in a way. I just need total outside opinion of all kinds. I am more on the fence about baby #2 than anyone else I've ever met or anything I've ever decided before in my life. 
Let me lay out the background. My husband and I got pregnant with our first when we were dating and weren't careful 1 time (no kidding-just once). It was rough. We were young, broke, not good jobs, the works. I love her to the moon and back but to say that she didn't strain our already on the rocks relationship would be a lie. Things calmed down, we got better jobs, and later we got married. She will be 4 in May. I'm a high school teacher and I'm currently in graduate school for my masters. My husband has excelled at his job and travelled up the ladder quickly. We are financially very comfortable, we just built a new house. Things are good. Too good. Too comfortable. 
I never thought I would be a one and done mom but the more and more TTC #2 becomes a conversation (like I get off my period today and we planned on trying) after, I cannot help but feel so torn about doing it again. The baby stuff. The up all night. The car seat carrier and diaper bag and feeding and all of it. Plus, my first pregnancy, I was a wreck. Total wreck. I honestly wonder if our marriage can survive it. But #1 is begging and literally praying daily for a little sister (she knows that's not guaranteed but she thinks God will honor her wish lol). And he wants another. It's me. And our family brings it up all the time.

So my question is have any of you felt that way? How did you decide? Did any of you just one and done and don't regret it?

Answer

Adopt another 4 year old and skip the baby.

Answer

I always liked the saying "you won't regret having another child, but you might regret not having one". This might not suite everyone, but it's true for me.

I was nervous about having a second. My daughter was 6, so I'd be "starting over". I was worried she'd feel replaced or jealous. Let me tell you, I worried for nothing. She is the absolute best big sister. She loves her baby brother and is such a huge help. I have said many times that having 2 kids was easier than just having her (when she was a baby) because I've had so much help from her. And I love my boy to pieces. He has made our family so so happy. Since he has been born I have not had a second of regret.

Sit down and make a list of pros and cons. Maybe give yourself a few months to think about it some more. Work out what your finances would be with another child, schedules, day care, etc.

Answer

It's something you really need to think about. Taking time off of work after the baby is born , trying to take care of your other child and an infant. Are you going to get help or are you all on your own. 
Talk to people , friends and family for support. But ultimately it's you and your husbands choice. If you think things are good and having another will make everything suffer then you need to consider that as well. Whatever you decide good luck and so glad everything worked out for you!

Answer

Not me (currently preg with first), but I have two friends who had one kid and stopped and are very happy with their decision and their lives. I'd say the difference is that for my friends, both members of the couple were on board. It sounds like your husband wants another. That's probably your only situation to consider. Everyone else doesn't count-not mothers in law or aunties or co workers... maybe not even the 4 year old. 
But hubs probably gets an equal say, although to be fair, you're the one it will impact the most. Let's say 60/40 :):)
Talk to him, a lot. 
Good luck.

Answer

Thanks for your replies. Yes, my husband and I being in different arenas is a tricky one. We talk about it. All. The. Time. To be fair to him, I'm the one that has flipped the script. 1 reason we built when we did was so that when we got ready to try, our house would be finished and we would be settled and readjusting financially. Then poof, I don't want another. I can see how unfair it is. But to also be fair, he knows I get easily overwhelmed and stressed easy which leads me to being a way less better parent. I asked him if it's worth it for me to be a worse mom to two when I most of the time manage just 1. Manage, not breeze through. She's 4 going on 25. And he wants the age gap we have now. Not later. There's very little room for compromise :(

One More or No?

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