My Husband and I have been married for 12 years, all together we've been with each other 16. We have tried to concieve for 10 years, two years ago we finally got pregnant, but I misscarried early on. Then a few months later I found I was pregnant again, we lost that one too. Devastating. It was the two year anniversary this month and I have been so depressed and down, I've missed some work because of that as well as other health issues.

Today he started asking me questions, when will you go back to work, when will you stop doing this and so on. I have told him I just need some time, that emotionally I am trying to deal with everything. Im not only grieving my miscarriages I'm also grieving the fact that we have also forgone the fertility treatments. We just ran out of money for it... it's like I lost all hope.

It seems he never wants to talk to me about our loss. Even when I was going through it, he seemed distant and focused on anything else. When I need him he finds ways to distance himself even further. Ive seeked help from doctors for my depression after, but I just feel alone. It seems like we have grown apart to the point that it may be time to just quit.

It's almost as if he worries more about money than how I am feeling, I'm getting paid for my time off, but he's still making a deal of it. I know staying home and thinking about it isnt helping me either, but I just need someone. Anyone to be here with me on this. Everyone in my family is pregnant at the moment and none of them have ever suffered a loss like this, my mother tries to tell me maybe God has a different plan for me. But, really all I need is someone to talk to and not give me reasons, but just to listen. I want it to be my Husband, but it seems like we've been strangers these last two years. He seems more harsh, if I have a bad day when I'm sadder than usual, he makes me feel as if Im not supposed to feel this way. I tried to get him to take a day with me and go on a mini vacation just something simple to where we could just get away and he tells me he doesnt want to take off work. Only for the next day when I went back he then called and took a day, because he said he needed to get away from everything. I feel like what he really wanted was to get away from me. I should be clear on the money issue... its not that we are completely broke to where hes worrying about that. We are well off enough to live, we just couldnt live comfortably or even attempt to make it if we continued the treatments.

I don't understand what he is dealing with because he won't tell me. If I ask he snaps and says nothingis wrong and to leave him be. I feel like the last two years I have been alone and can't shake these feelings of loss, failure, and hurt. The doctors listen, but they don't seem to understand the depth of pain I'm feeling. I just feel if my Husband were more understanding maybe this hurt would be shared and eased from me. I don't know if I will ever have the man I love back... I'm sorry for the long drawn out and random sentences, but its hard to convey what you're feeling in written form.