I can't talk about this with anyone I know so I want to share it here in the hopes someone understands.

My fiancé and I started dating with the idea of waiting until we were married to be physically intimate. We were okay with kissing and hugging and holding hands, but not going any further.

Well, we kept slipping further and further towards sex. First it was letting him touch my boobs, then it was setting our hands on top of each other's pants but not doing anything. Then our hands went under our pants, and now we are very close to having sex.

He comes from the perspective that we're 25-26 and engaged to each other, planning on marriage, and very much in love, so why shouldn't we have sex?

I am going to have sex with him because I want to and I love him, but it is hard for me spiritually. I came from a conservative background and sex before marriage is frowned upon. I know nobody will know unless I tell them but God will know. And I'm not sure I understand how God's forgiveness works. I know He still loves us when we disobey. I know God's laws are to protect us from harm, not to keep us from having fun. So will He forgive me for knowingly disobeying?

I love this man. I want this man. If it was easy for us to get married, we'd have done it already so we could have sex in the context of marriage. But we have obstacles. The government would penalize us financially if we got married. I guess I'm looking for permission to have sex. I'm going to do it anyway. But I need encouragement.