Is it normal to resent the father of your child when baby is first born?

Question

Our little one is 2 weeks 1 day. My husband has changed 2 diapers. 2. Of the 100's I have. This morning I asked him to change her so I could get my breast ready to feed her..he said no because he was too tired. He works 7 days on 7 days off 12 hour nights. Right now he's on his off stretch. I understand he wouldn't be able to help much while at work, but now that he's off I feel like I'm still carrying all of the baby duties. I'm starting to resent him for it. I tried telling him how I feel and that got me nowhere. I told him it feels like he regrets starting a family (we tried for a long time for this baby) but he denies feeling that way. Idk what to do...maybe I'm the problem? I feel like I have a touch of post partum blues or depression...is this normal???

Answer

Ya no that wouldn't fly around here. I dont ask i demand. If i asked for help ide never get any. My husband knows he helps or he will regret it big time. Im not fun to piss off and that would piss me off big time!! My husband helps with every bath he changes diapers etc. The only thing he gives me problems with is changing doody which i accept. I change all doody diapers the truth is ive made him do it once or twice and he was careless he left poop between my sons thighs😷😷😷 etc so therefor i do the dirty diapers. I also pick out clothes and dress my son but husband helps with laundry etc. This is his baby too not a chance ide let him dump all the work on me no way!!! I think you need to put him in his place. It's his baby too.

Answer

I think I still hold on to some! I'm pregnant with my 4th now. My husband has probably changed 10 to 15 diapers between all 3 kids! Given maybe 10 baths between all 3 kids and gotten up with them in the middle of the night about the same, maybe 10 to 15 times, out of the 1000's that I have done!! He has such an entitled attitude since he works and I stay home!! 😡 I absolutely LOVE being a mom, but it hasn't been an easy road and I'm prepared to do the brunt of everything with this baby as well!!! I'm not sure if it will ever get better for you!! Some men just don't have that need/want to care for their children the way we have to!!

Answer

Oh hell no. This is his baby too and he needs to be present. Present in helping you care for your child and present in helping you with any postpartum you may be experiencing. This is way more real and more serious than him just being tired. You deserve to be supported!

Answer

Even if he is tired it doesn't matter. You're tired, and you still do what you have to do. I understand that when he works he needs his downtime to rest before the next shift, but when he has a week off, he should be helping you. You didn't make this baby by yourself. The restful feelings you have are normal based on his behavior, it's not because you may or may not have postpartum. I believe those are two separate issues. If you believe you're feeling depressed you should talk to your doctor. Best of luck to you. I hope your husband gets more involved. I still resent my husband for how little he is involved with our children.

Answer

I'm still mad about how little effort he gave with our first two I did everything yes he pays the damn bills but I am not super woman I need time to sleep and eat without stopping because he's too tired boo hoo jackass I'm running on 2 hours of sleep a night if that and maybe a five minute nap all while having to make him dinner ect like he's a giant kid. I love being a housewife and a mom but fuck not even a thank you gets pretty damn old I ended up decking a wall one night right above the bed cuz it was his day and he wouldn't get up and I didn't wanna deck him that was finally what got through to him that I needed sleep or I was gunna hurt him cuz I wasn't mad at baby one bit but he royally pushed ever button i had. He still owes me 7 diaper changes because I had to bargain and make bets for diaper changes in return for whatever crap I didn't wanna do but did anyways for diaper changes I could cash in day or night and he couldn't say no. I hope you don't have to hurt your hand or a wall to get through to your hubby. Idk why men do the shit they do but ik it's hell sometimes

Answer

I had an emergency c-section so hubby had to do diaper duty. I didn't change a diaper until LO was at least 1week old. So that, I think, helped. But man, I resented him for sleeping, eating, getting to go to work. All of it. Haha I think it's totally normal.

Answer

Of you're worried about post partum depression you should go talk to your doctor asap.   You need to be healthy,  both physically,  mentally and emotionally for your precious baby and pp depression is nothing to be taken lightly.   Maybe your husband doesn't realize the extent of how much an extra set of hands would mean to you (most men are pretty oblivious to that).  If he still is unwilling to listen have him go with you to the appointment to see how you're really feeling.   As your mom,  sister,  friends,  MIL,  SIL,  anyone to come over and help out.   Babies can be very demanding and if you know someone is over who you trust,  maybe you can get a little bit of rest and some you time.

I hope everything works out for you,  I've dealt with the resentment and anger with my first sons biological father.  It was horrible and nobody should have to feel that way right after having a baby.

Is it normal to resent the father of your child when baby is first born?

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