I'm not sure what I really want right now…

I need friends. I'm so hurt and alone. I went through an awful break up and my ex was a huge asshole. I have no friends that were friends and tbh I go through these moments, like right now, where I really want to talk to him. And I want him to suffer I want all these friends and I want him to feel like shit. Or I want him to come back to me in this horrible upset and sad mood apologizing. Or I want him to just take me back. I'm tired of crying. I want to be over this already. I want him to suffer the way I am. I want him to cry and be alone and have no one the way I feel right now. I want to me okay now not in a few weeks. I want all these things. I'm so confused and lost it's making it hard to just function.