Adriana, thank you for inviting me to your group. I really like the name of the group, bc it's what we've promised for ourselves after this 4th loss. 

Our first loss was almost 2 years ago, and I lost the baby at 4 months. No reason, it was chromosonally a perfectly normal baby. It was the most devastating thing I've ever been through, and we never healed from it. Since then, all we've done is chase another pregnancy that would fill our broken hearts. Never living in the moment, never having sex unless the sticks were positive, never doing anything unless it was about the baby that was coming or the baby that would come.

Everything didn't matter. Why lose the weight when I was just going to gain it with my next pregnancy? Why take a vacation when we 'd need the money for the baby? Why keep the house tidy? There's no baby here.

We've both decided that we re done. Done not living bc there's no baby. We re planning a mini vacation to Niagara Falls in March. It's a small start, but we re going to start living again. So I thank you for inviting me here, bc I am going to start having a life again. A life after miscarriage.