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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with his baby. I've been having some crazy pregnancy dreams every night for a week that he was cheating on me. It got to me so much, that one day when he was at work, I charged up his old phone and started snooping to see if I could find anything to ease my mind. 

I opened his instagram messages and there it was. A conversation between him and his ex. The conversation started with him saying merry Christmas beautiful with a kiss face. Throughout the next few days they didn't say much. She was getting frustrated because he wasn't responding much and he told her that he was going to get a new phone soon and call her, and that he missed her so much (with a heart). He asked her if she was ok, and she said no, I need to see you. I need you to hold me. That was the last of the messages on that phone. 

I was devastated. I called him while he was at work to confront him. I wish I would have waited now and just ask him to see his phone so he wouldn't have time to delete any other messages that may have been new. He confessed that she had messaged him a few days before Christmas, and that the last time they talked was on Christmas Day, which were the messages I saw. He said he never met up with her, doesn't care about her blah blah blah. 

I told him to message her and tell her to leave him alone that it was a mistake to talk to her, etc. He said with the kind of person she is, it's better to leave it alone since he hadn't talked to her in a month. If he told her to leave him alone, she'd do the opposite of that. 

I got pissed and took it upon myself to message her myself. I was being nice about it, asked if she knew he had a pregnant girlfriend and wanted to know if they really cared about each other or if they had been meeting up. I exposed myself and expressed to her that my feelings were hurt. Big mistake. She thought it was hilarious and said he's 'fair game' since he's not married. (Don't mind the fact that our baby is due in in 4 weeks) she said I should know if they're meeting up if I read the messages. I told her the only ones I saw were from Christmas Day. She said no wonder I haven't heard from him. Then later said I must not have seen the recent messages. She proceeded to tell me that if she was to be upfront about things, I'd go into labor. Then told me to have a 'hood' day. At this point I knew I wasn't getting anywhere, so I blocked her. 

In the meantime, my boyfriend is crying hysterically begging me to give him another chance. I was so upset I called his mom and told her everything because I know she raised him better than that. He owned up to his mistake 100%, but now that he's lost my trust, it's in the back of my mind if everything he's telling me is the truth. Is he only confessing to what he got caught doing? 

The next morning (my birthday) I woke up to a message from his ex who I blocked. She made another account to message me. It went something along the lines of are you done with 'our' boyfriend because I'm tired of waiting to sit on his face. Then said he can block her or whatever, but she's still  going to find a way to contact him. 

I'm devastated and heartbroken. I'm torn between letting him rebuild that trust and give him one more chance, especially with the baby going to be here any day, or just kick him to the curb. We both have other kids that are really close and consider themselves brothers 😭

He's been crying and I can tell he feels so bad. How do I know I could ever trust him again? Is it worth it to take that risk? Is it possible for him to be faithful? Did he really sleep with her and he's Not telling me the truth still? We had been talking about marriage for months and he said he wants to get me a ring with the bonus he's getting at work in February. He said he's going to prove himself worthy. All of this happened just 2 days ago, so I've been crying a lot and having mixed emotions. Honestly, the last 2 days have been so great with how he's been treating me because he feels so bad. I asked him if it was just temporary to try and get me to stay and he said no that I deserve so much and he's going to do everything he can to get our relationship back to what it once was. 

I love him so much that I want to give him another chance. It hurts to think about raising this baby without him. I feel like my whole world is crumbling. It will take a long time for me to ever trust him again. Is it worth it? Will I regret it? I'm just having so many mixed feelings. 

If you read this far, thank you. I honestly just really needed to vent. Your support is appreciated ❤️