I need help....
I've never felt like this about our relationship before. It feels like it's already over. I don't even really have the slightest want to even try.
I'm not all that tired because I've gotten good sleep the last few days - like 6+ hours every night. I'm not crazy stressed because I have so much support from my family, and he's so easy to take care of. I don't think it's any of that. I just feel like it's a lost cause, and that neither one of us are happy.
We had a really bad fight today because he dipped out last minute on our first family lunch today because he was tired after taking the baby that night so I could sleep. I told him that while I really appreciate what he did, I want him to sack up, considering I do that every single night since he works, but still stay up with baby all day too, and take him to doctors appointments and the breastfeeding clinic, and go grocery shopping and clean and basically do everything. I said I'd watch him when we got back so he could nap for as long as he wanted. I just really wanted to spend time all together as a family for the first time in so long - especially since we both already said we were going!
He immediately loses it. Calls me unappreciative and says that he's tired too since he works full time to "pay for my ass". At that point I lost it (I hate not working and being able to contribute and he knows that) and called him out on him acting immature and he tells me he wishes he'd never had a child with me because I'M just way too immature. He just starts telling me things just to hurt my feelings as much as he possibly could! I know I could have reacted better initially, maybe asked nicer or something, but that seemed way out of proportion and honestly the things he told me just crushed me.
So I just go by myself and come back and he wants to talk about it. He brings up the subject, so once again I tell him that I don't like the fact that he refuses to even show the commitment and be engaged to me. I'm a religious enough person to think that it's important (to each their own), and he knows that and feels the same way, so it makes me feel like he doesn't want to be held down by me. If that makes sense? After I say that, he straight up tells me that he'll go to the courthouse with me?! I can't do that, because now I feel like I've roped him into something he doesn't want, which I would never want for him!
For the first time in nearly 2 years I don't want to be with him, to fix things, or even marry him. I just need someone to talk to. I need help and advice. I feel completely alone in this and don't know what to do. I've had depression for nearly a decade before I even got pregnant. Is it PPD and I'm just too sensitive? Is my relationship failing?? Help me 😞
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