Keep in mind im only 18

So I love my husband more then life itself ive been with him since I was a young girl. He use to push me, in front of my friends and down stairs..some how he never failed to make me feel like it was all my fault and that I am not worth loving..we moved from our house in with my mother a month or so ago.but Yesterday he and I got into a fight about food and how I didn't want to cook a big meal for just us. He got mad ( he as explosive anger disorder) he threatened to take my dog who I love more than anyone in the world..he chased me down stairs I ran as fast as I could some how was able to carry my almost 50 pound dog( im very small) to my mom's room and held the door shut..he kept trying to get in beating on the door he knew I was behind he kept threatening me.. he did end up leaving because my mother was on her way..but he had ruined her door 😔.. i blame myself for everything . My husband says I must apologize even then he don't want my crazy ass back..i just need to know how to cope with this heart ache?