Tough times
I've been having a really hard time mentally lately. I feel like I'm failing at work, around the house, in my marriage, as a mother. It's really, really tough feeling all these things and knowing in several months I'm going to have yet another blessing of a human counting on me. I was on a low dose anti-depressant for PMDD before I got pregnant and (with my doctor's okay) I cut it in half over the last few weeks. I'm also going to marriage counseling with my husband but right now I think I'm going to see about doing solo counseling as well because this shit is HARD.
Tonight, this short exchange between me and my son, who will be 3 in April, let me know that I'm at least not actually failing at the whole mothering thing. It gives me hope and confidence that if I'm not actually doing so bad at being a mom, I'm *probably* not doing so bad at all the other stuff, too.
Me: (softly crying)
Colin: Why you crying, mama?
Me: I'm sad.
Colin: Oh. (puts his arm around me) Colin sad. You alright, mama?
Me: Yeah baby, I'm okay. I'm just sad.
Colin: You okay?
Me: Yeah, I'm okay. Let's get in bed, okay?
Colin: Okay, mama. (crawls into bed)
Me: Do you wanna snuggle Bruce? (pull blanket over him)
Colin: Yeah.
(I hand him Bruce, his sock monkey, and lay my head down on the pillow next to his, just sniffling now)
Colin: (puts his arm around me and closes his eyes) I got you, mama.
❤
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