bad pap smear update!

ok so I got my first Pap smear today and it was the worst experience ever. My NP didn't listen to me at all, she didn't stop when I asked her to, and she kept patronizing me for being in so much pain. I'm almost positive I have vaginismus and I tried explaining that to her before she shoved the speculum inside of my vagina but she didn't and she kept getting frustrated when I couldn't relax my muscles. And I was trying but I could. not. Relax. I was in so much pain. I just laid on the exam table and sobbed the entire time. It was horrifying. I feel violated and demeaned and no one is taking me seriously. I can't believe we're stuck doing this. Modern medicine has to have some kind of alternative. They are invasive and ridiculous.