I'm asking you ladies because I'm not to sure who else to ask.. Going to make this short and get to the point.

Two years ago I went to my cousins house to watch his baby while he went to work, well he never ended up leaving.. He raped me 5 times and wouldn't let me go home until he decided to take me back. Told me not to tell anyone or I would face serious consequences.

Every since this has happened there are days were I feel off. When I go to the bathroom and pee, I feel weird(like I'm being touched down there) like I'm being violated. So when I come out of the bathroom I will sit across the room from everyone until I feel fine again or there will be days where it's so bad I cant be around anyone cause I feel so scared and nasty so I lock myself in my room until I'm okay. Also there will be times I'm having sex with my fiance and we just have to stop because I cant do it, I feel like weird and gross, so I'll hurry up run to the bathroom and take a shower .(my fiance knows what happens and completely understands) This has been going on for so long and I dont know what to do about it. Seiously upsets me and makes me feel disgusting 😭 what do I do for this? I'm not sure if there is anything I can do but it hurts my heart. When I feel this way I just want to cry my eyes out.

Update: Thanks for everyone's kind words. I called and made an appointment for Monday with a counselor! This has been a very hard journey and I'm ready for it to come to an end. I wanna feel normal again. I just want to be okay.. 😳