my battle with PPD
For all the first time moms ❤❤
So I'm writing this because I want women everywhere to be aware of the signs and realize how normal PPD truly is. Some may not understand it but it's real and unbelievably hard to deal with!
So here it goes.....
My oldest daughter is about to turn 9 very soon!! ❤❤ I think back on her life when I first had her how much she taught me as we've grown together. I was 15 a couple months before my 16 birthday when I had my sweet baby girl so I had a lot of growing up to do. I had her by myself her father was in jail at the time so it was just me my mother and my aunt in the delivery room but they they to left and it was just me and my baby girl. It was a rough labor but she came out healthy and I was relieved. Once we were able to leave the hospital I had a rude awakening I was on my own with everything and once the PPD hit i knew something was wrong but I knew I loved my daughter. The first sign was the constant crying over the littlest thing. Then the anger and frustration hit I had almost no patience with my daughter (no I didnt abuse her if that's what your thinking). One event that changed my life literally forever. I remember it like it was yesterday I was rocking her in my rocking chair that her grandmother gave me humming a song to her holding her in my arms then out of no where I went off into a small daze (lack of sleep I'm sure) but In this daze I imagined myself doing exactly what I was doing then humming and rocking her but then I put my hand over her mouth and suffocated her 😞😞 I came out of this daze scared shit less. It's like a light switch went on then off! The guilt of these thoughts set in and I started balling. I got up set her down In Her crib and went outside for a moment to gather my thoughts. I had no idea what just happened. I felt like the world worst mother for even letting myself have this daze. I can't even explain how bad I felt. That night we both went to bed well she did because I couldnt sleep that thinking about what just happened. The next day I went over to my grandmothers and aunts and explained to her what happened with tears flowing down my face and a amount of guilt I can't even explain. I asked her what is wrong with me? Who in there right mind would have this kind of daze? She looked at me and said "honey it's completely normal" 😳 I looked at her like she was insane! She then explained what PPD was and how it's works and it all kind of made sense even for my young brain! Even with that the guilt still is with me to this day but now I know what to look for and how to handle it. I've had 2 more daughters since then and it has happened but I know if I get pregnant again I will be making sure I pay attention.
I tell this story because I warn young moms and women it can and does happen. So please seek help if you think you have PPD
❤❤❤❤❤ if I can make even one women understand PPD My post was accomplishment
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