So I always see posts about "popping the cherry" and the concept of virginity has bothered me since like 14. When I finally " lost" mine, it was because I was raped. I was still newly 18, had just moved to a new town 14 hours from home, the only people I knew were my best friend at the time, and 2 boys from my hs that happened to go there already. One of those boys was the one that raped me while I was blackout drunk.  But I always consider my first actual time, even though it's hard to sometimes, as the second time when it was when I was conscious and wanted to with the guy. So this whole time I've thought the whole popping the cherry thing was so stupid and still do, but I just saw a post rn about that and then all of a sudden I was like damn I don't even know if it really didn't happen from losing my "virginity"and now I won't ever know. Like until now I've just been like ya my hymenal tissue had probably just worn down before I started having sex cuz it's really common and didn't remember blood and then just now I was like well I don't know because I wasn't fucking conscious. So now I'm sad and angry and want to punch someone 😔sorry I just needed to write this out cuz it really helps me when I'm getting like this.  I just wish my friends lived by me so I could talk to them and cry it out cuz I really don't wanna talk to bf about even though he likes me to open up. It's just not the same. They helped me through all of that and know how shitty it was. I met him a year later when I was still getting over it, but wasn't thinking about it every second any longer. I have a therapist and will definitely bring it up next week, but I just feel so down now.