Am i wrong to be upset??

Question

OK so my husband didn't tell me until we got married that he had a son that he didn't have contact with anymore. I told him I would support him if he wanted to try for 50/50. So a year later we have a son together he is 9 months old. We got papers in the mail and his ex wants him to pay for insurance which we were both fine with and he said he wants to try to get 50/50. I'm OK with that. OK so then he tells me that there is a girl that he dated briefly before we got together and she has a little girl claiming it's his. His mother butted in and asked her to get a DNA test done she said no. This was three months ago. And now my husband asked me if I was OK if they did a DNA test. I said I was fine with that. Well his mom messaged me and said that she has been sending this girl money to help her and my mother in law has been sending my husband messages saying he needs to step up and help her and sending him pictures of the little girl. While she tells me its not his child and this girl is crazy. So I was so confused and I looked at my husband's Facebook messages. I know I should trust him.. He asked his ex if he could go to her house and meet the little girl and spend quality time with his daughter.. And he was sweet talking her... He messaged her before he even asked me if I was OK with a DNA test (which he didn't ask her about that) I asked him about it and he lied to me again. So we talk about it and he said he was going to ease me into it cause he knew I'd leave him. Which I told him I supported him. Then he goes on to tell me it doesn't matter what I think he is doing it anyway. He wants to help support her. (Me and our son go without so much because his drinking is more important. We have been without hot water for 2 weeks. We don't have a car and are using his moms and staying in his moms house while she is gone.) He can't support us... Then he says I love kids and will be more than happy if she is mine.. The more the better .. And he was trash talking her to me days before this happened.... I'm so hurt and lost

* I also forgot to say.. He told me he hopes I'm pregnant.. I was having issues with birth control and he refuses to wear a condom.. Which is probably why he has more kids

Answer

Out of nowhere he has these kids and then holds that information from you .. I'm sorry but you have to leave . If he can't even be honest let alone support you and his son then it's just not worth it .

Answer

A secret child isn't exactly a white lie... It's more than enough for me to re-evaluate us being together. How legitimate is the marriage? What else could he be keeping secret?

Answer

You probably love the man you married but it doesn't sound like he was honest about who he really is so you only love the idea and image he put forth. It's going to be hard but don't you feel like you and your child deserve better?

Answer

If he cant support his family, how is he going to support two more kids? The lady refuses dna testing but wants him to support the little girl? There is either yet again sonething he isnt telling you or sonething isnt right. He knew about two children prior to your marriage and didnt tell you? I don't know that if i were you, i could trust that there isnt more he hasn't told you. Instead of him appologizing for lying he says he'll do what he wants. Thats childish. You need to do what is best for you and your baby. Im so sorry you are going through this.i wish you all the best of luck.

Answer

I'm sorry I'd be gone he isn't supporting you or your son at all .and babies keep popping out of the wood work hell no!!!if he refused to use a condom then you should have refused to have sex with his ass .!

Answer

This is such a sad story. For someone as understanding as yourself. A real man would kill for a women like you.  You are truely amazing and he's taking advantage. There's no reason to start a fuss with you. "I'll do what I want" fussing was uncalled for because as you said you support him. But that's the alcoholic talking.  I'm sorry but I agree you have to go.  Because I'm sure there more children.

Answer

Are you planning on staying with him? It seems that y'all were having serious problems before all of this

Answer

You can't refuse DNA testing. It's not the mother or fathers choice. All parents have to do is go to friend of the court and file. The court will do the rest. DNA, parenting time, insurance, support, etc. can all be determined by the court in the best interest of the child.

My suggestion is to get on birth control. Go to college or get some training if you haven't. Get a job. This man doesn't sound like he can take care of himself. Let alone a wife and multiple children.

All the best to you! Good luck

Answer

He had a fast life before you and I don't think it's attractive that all these kids are popping up. At the same time if you say you support him then no I don't feel you have a right to be mad. Things like this don't come with an instruction manual and he is going about it the best way he knows how as this is going to change his life rather you stay or leave him. Not saying the way he is doing it is right but it's his way and you said you were supportive, so be that and not angry. At the same time you shouldn't get mad he is going to support these kids that are or possibly are his, be upset he's got an alcohol problem. If he can't support you guys address his drinking issue not his willingness to support his "children".

Am i wrong to be upset??

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey