Insecurity

I have gained weight after I had my 3rd baby..

I thought my SO and I were closer than before but joke is on me..

Because he was looking up Google images of thinner girls....

Now he likes em on the bigger side.. me and his exs.. are bigger.. but all of a sudden looking up some real skabkish stuff...

I am broken. Feel so big...

So gross...

He knows what this did to our relationship and yet he did it again. Claims he has these urges and can't help it... and admits he even did it with his past gfs...

I really need some light on this.. :'(

Am I not good enough.. ?

Has anyone else had this problem? ?