My husband and I have been trying for a year on the 24th of this month with nothing to show for it. Fertility problems run in my family and my mom had so many fertility problems and was told she couldn't have kids, had endometriosis and it took many surgeries before she had my brother.

On top of fertility problems running in my family, I have a bad history with ovarian cysts and I had one rupture in 2015 and had massive internal bleeding because of it and my doctors thought I was faking the amount of pain that I was in and blamed it on "women problems." I ended up having surgery and was told that I could have easily bleed to death if they sent me home that day. One of the surgeons just wanted to take out my ovary and send me home but thankfully that didn't happen and I had a surgeon who was an expert on ovarian cysts and she was not taking out my ovary. After all that I still have a couple cysts and I don't ovulate every month because of them.

And finally, I was born with incredibly low melatonin levels, so low that my parents have told me they don't know how I'm even alive since I never slept as a kid. I've been to doctors who just say that I should just take melatonin and I should be fine but my levels have been and will always be low even when I take melatonin. I've done so much research on it this stupid hormone and half of what I read says that melatonin isn't good to take if you're TTC but at the same time if you have low melatonin levels you have higher risks of pre-eclampsia and other complications that can be disastrous for pregnancy for myself and my child. Melatonin is such an important hormone for fertility and a healthy pregnancy and I don't have a healthy amount in my body.

It's been a long year of trying already and I feel so discouraged and I'm just so sick of seeing a negative on every test I take. I'm young and people keep telling me that "it will happen when it happens" and honestly I'm tired of hearing that. I'm so done with all of this and I don't want to try for a long while. So I'll be here, not trying, with my dog and two cats and my husband. Sometime in the future we'll finally have kids but for now I don't want to try anymore.