Ok so we only decided in December to begin ttc. Well we're only in February now and I'm starting to feel... confused. I've already spoken to my dh about this and we decided that we would not stop but maybe pause ttc...a baby may not be right for us. But 1 week later my sadness at the thought of not sharing such an experience with my husband that my tears wouldn't stop flowing. We decided fuck it, a baby it is. But now my brain won't stop thinking rationally. A list of pros and cons has 1 pro!! Having a union baby with my husband. Making my children and his children siblings to our child. Having a child call me mom AND him dad. Not Tiff and dad or Morgan and mom. But the cons are so overwhelming. We'd both be starting over. We travel when we want. We spend how we want. Eat out at expensive restaurants. Live on a whim. He wants to retire comfortably and really travel. Wants me to relax after being a mom and working since 17. He's 49 I'll be 37 in 2 months. We're moving to a new state in a year. He doesn't know what he'll be doing- he doesn't have a career although he's been doing the same job for almost 30 yrs- and Idk what my salary would be realistically. I'm a dental assistant for 16 years. My youngest wil be a freshman in college. We currently make well over 150,000/yr together but IM SURE that's gonna be cut in 1/2 at least. Not to mention day care costs. At this rate we'll be moving, starting over with a 6 month old. Do I follow my brain or heart. Will this feeling of utter sadness at giving up what my heart wants ever go away?? Just typing about it my throat is tight and tears are welling up. 😢😢 I can't talk to him again about this and I have no one else that I want to confide in.