"Have you considered adoption?"

Question

I'm honestly so tired of having people ask this EVERY TIME someone talks about terminating a pregnancy, even for medical reasons or EVERY TIME someone talks about starting IVF. People probably consider adoption a lot more than you think. Asking if they've considered it is probably waste of time. The decision that's right for one person/couple is the one that's right. There are already babies up for adoption who can't find good homes. So what is the point of telling people they shouldn't abort because "adoption is the option?" AND AS FAR AS IVF: Literally who are you to tell a couple that they shouldn't have their own biological children if that's what they want? Do you hunt down every couple that's TTC and tell them to adopt a baby instead of having sex in hopes of conceiving?? I can't possibly be the only person who is tired of the "what about adoption" comments, am I? How do you guys feel about it? Why do you think people are willing to deny the fact that children are already ignored in the system and that couples already get turned down daily? And why do you think IVF should come second to adoption but TTC naturally isn't "selfish?" I really don't understand this line of thought.

Answer

This actually pisses me off as well. As someone who wants to adopt in the future I still want to have biological children first, like who doesn't want a baby that looks like them and they're SO? People who bring up adoption all the time usually don't consider adopting themselves which irritates me. I think people really need to start keeping their opinions to themselves unless they're asked for 🙄

Answer

I think it's definitely annoying when people say then in regards to someone who is considering abortion. I mean it's just stupid. Lol. Raising the child isn't the only thing that people considering may struggle with. How about having to carry the child for 9 months and then having to give the child to someone else? That can be traumatic even if you "don't want" the baby. Also, what about women who will be ostracized by their family and friends for being pregnant? Some people still aren't even okay with adoption. My grandmother thinks it's terrible for some reason.

As for the IVF, I have more issues with this I guess. I don't know if I'll be able to have children naturally because I have issues with my ovaries. I would not even consider trying IVF if I decide I want children. It can be just as long, expensive, and heartbreaking as the adoption process. That being said, I can sort of understand why women would. I guess the process of carrying the child and bonding in the womb is important to some people. It is definitely out of line though to ask someone who is doing rounds of IVF or considering it to ask them if they've considered adoption. I'm sure they've thought about it a lot and have ultimately decided it's not for them. So just don't ask.

Answer

I'm not sure how to answer all the questions here, but I personally don't like that adoption is seen as a last resort for either side. I wish more people thought of adoption first or as part of their plan. I understand the desire to create life though. I don't like that when couples talk about adopting they are asked if they can't have their own children almost immediately, in my experience. It's a choice and a personal decision.

Answer

I agree with everything you've said 100%!!

Answer

It doesn't matter who I speak to or what the topic was, as soon as I mention I've been ttc well over 6 years the immediate words are 'well there's always adoption' and my response is always the same 'how did you go about adopting and how long was the process?' No one that has ever said those words have ever adopted. I honestly think infertility is so taboo that it's embarrassing to talk about for many people so they automatically go to a response that has been drilled into them without realising that it can be extremely damaging to women with infertility.

Answer

I understand and agree with you, especially when it comes to abortion. If someone tell me that if I get pregnant and didn't want the baby to give it up instead of aborting, then I expect them to be willing to adopt my kid, or any other unwanted kid without a family. It's hypocritical to suggest that sort of thing, yet don't make an effort to give a child without a family a good life. If you want to take away access to safe abortions, step up, fight for easier access to birth control, and aim to help those children who need a family. That's the only way you can bring down abortion numbers.

I think people do need to see adopting kids as more of a viable choice. I understand wanting a biological kid if you have fertility issues, but otherwise it's something people should at least consider more.

Answer

As someone dealing with infertility (6 years 8 months TTC, miscarriage back in 2015) when someone who doesn't/didn't struggle asks or mentions adoption, I say the same thing. How many biological children do you have, and how many have you adopted? Answers are typically the same. 2 to 3 biological. Adopted: zero. Case and point. I'm extremely selfish in the fact that I want to experience a full term pregnancy and birth, for myself, at least once. I've not once said that adoption isn't an option in the future. Should I have the funds and qualify in all the different ways you need to qualify. Adoption is not some magical easy process. On either end.

Answer

i think people need to stay out of other business if it doesn't concern them and that should be the end of it. don't agree with abortion? great! have a thing against IVF? magnificent. but it's not your place to tell someone else what they should do with THEIR lives when it's THEIR choice and perfectly LEGAL. stay in your lane.

Answer

I don't think they're telling anyone they have to do anything, just asking if they've looked at all options. Honestly you don't know every person that has received this remark HAS thought of adoption.

I've never seen anyone tell a couple they should adopt instead of having a biological child of their own and I'm sorry if you have. That crosses the line IMO, not suggesting adoption.

"Have you considered adoption?"

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