I am so pissed. Its the first day of my missed period and I thought. Hey great I'm pregnant! Thanks preseed! Told my husband to pick up a test and he got the blue dyes by mistake. Whatever. I took the first one and it was all scratched up and invalid. I took the second and boom nada! Fucking bitch ovaries not doing their damn jobs! Fucking bitch womb not holding any of my pregnancies! Fucking stupid uterine lining never shedding on time! It just fucking sucks ya know!? I want to be a mom. I deserve to be a mom. I deserve my chance....my dream! I deserve it but will probably never be one! Even if I did fall pregnant again I'll probably just have yet another miscarriage! I'm the miscarriage queen ya know! Easy to get pregnant not so easy to stick! This is fucking bullshit! I'm just so done with this shit! Two fucking years of my life dedicated to this shit and there is nothing to fucking show for it! Nothing!!!!! If I could meet my reproductive organs in real life I'd line them up so I can run down the line bitch slapping each and everyone of them! I was so sure this time. I had so many signs and symptoms but nope not knocked up! Will never be knocked up! Fucking fuck everything just fuck it all! Everything I do is for my future baby! All I do is work towards it and this is how my fucking body how fucking God repays me! He made me into a mother he made that my destiny and has done nothing but show me that but just keeps getting my hopes up only to smash them with his fat thumb like it's some fucking game! What does he want from me!? What does he want!? I have given him everything I have! Everything!!!!!! I can't do it anymore....I just can't. Four lost babies four chances lost. Four times I was a mother only to have it taken away and now nothing.... Don't offer up advice believe me I've heard it all. I've done all the tests. I've tried not trying I've tried not caring I've tried close monitoring. I just can't try anymore.....I can't do it anymore.....I think its time to accept that I'll never be a mother......