When people say "just relax"....


That phrase seems so unrealistic to anyone ttc. It certainly did for me...how is it possible to relax when this deals with my body every. single. day. And my entire future seems to be in the "hands" of a small plastic test....trust me after 5 years of this bullshit...i get it.

But when people say that, they don't mean stop thinking about it, and if you have a question, google it...but don't sit around thinking of questions to google. If you want to look at baby stuff fine, but don't torture yourself all of the time.

I think the worste thing we do to ourselves isn't thinking and researching babies....if anything that makes me smile. What causes us women to stress to the point of not concieving (especially when we are healthy otherwise) is when women think they are pregnant every month. Taking tests every month. Seeing one line over and over. That is what did me in....every month i would have some random symptom that i had never had before or it came earlier or stronger than usual. Convincing myself this was the month. Waiting and waiting.....and waiting...and waiting...through the MILLION WEEK WAIT! Just to find out, not only is my body dissapointing me, but lying to me too. That is a lot of pressure to put on myself!! I couldn't handle it and stress got the best of me! And you can't procreate under those conditions.

I do still bring up babies a bit too often and i sometimes sit in my art room and dream about it as a nursey. but i am focused on weight-loss and constantly keeping my house in order and making other big goals for myself like fixing my credit. I am still tracking my cycle on glow but taking a break from temping now that i have seen that my cycle is as it should be. In my eyes that means no need to further obsess for now. I will jump back into it later to see if it's still operating as it should. Also this month i am expecting my period even if i get signs. I will not allow myself to be stressed if my body won't do something that can't occur under stress. Are you following me?

I got pregnant in july it was an ectopic sadly. But when we concieved, it was the only month that i accidentally relaxed due to a busy summer schedule of camping and bbqs and fun. I let go for one month and boom! But I immediately got back into the stress after losing my baby and i became more desperate than before which i believe is the only reason I'm not pregnant now. My cousin started trying recently but was very neutral about it. Just very patient from the start. And she got pregnant on the first try.

So my advice is take breaks. You can go back into full throttle crazy mode again but give yourself breaks from expecting so much from yourself.

I for one am much much happier than before. Relaxing really is a better approach to everything.