I feel like it will be cathartic to tell my story...

On Thursday 2/16 at 40 weeks 2 days, I had taken a bath around 6pm. In the hours after the bath I started to feel crampy, and was leaking a small amount of yellow fluid. I didn't think it was urine so I called my OB. I still didn't think it was the real deal as my contractions weren't super strong and were inconsistent, but I wanted to double check just in case. I was told to come in to be triaged. So we headed in and got to the hospital around 11:20pm.

Once we arrived they checked me and I was at 5cm, then the doctor on call accidentally broke my water. Turns out I was leaking amniotic fluid tinged with meconium. My husband and I were nervous but excited; it was go time and there was no turning back now!

I was admitted at about 3am, contractions were getting stronger and closer together so by 6am I had an epidural. From there things went slowly but smoothly. By 11am I had only dilated to 6cm, so I was put on pitocin. By 1pm my baby's heart rate dropped to 40 and a team came rushing in, turning me over and putting an internal lead (to better monitor her heart rate) in me. It was so scary but they got her heart rate back up in under a minute and from there she was OK.

After her heart rate dropped, things started to go downhill. I started getting nauseous and shaking uncontrollably, my blood sugar had dropped to 60, so they had to give me something to bring that back up. I was finally dilating again though (they had to stop pitocin for awhile to make sure the baby's heart rate stayed stable), so once they resumed the pitocin I was moving along. I got to 8, then 9 and finally 10 at about 6pm. I was ready to push. I pushed, on and off, for 5 hours. By the end of it I couldn't take it anymore, I was so exhausted and drained both physically and emotionally. My baby had straightened out and hooked her little feet under my ribs, my epidural kept wearing off and my back was killing me. I finally said I wanted a C-section.

I was shaking uncontrollably when I was being wheeled into the operating room. Once I got there I threw up, it was not fun. They started the surgery and it was pretty rough from there, I don't remember much of it but I could feel the pulling and tugging and it was very uncomfortable bordering on painful. Soon enough though it was over and my little girl was born, Avery May made her debut 3 days late at 9lb 8oz, 21 1/2 inches long (which is why I couldn't get her out apparently!). She is perfect and even though it killed me to opt for a C-section what I am trying to focus on now is that she's here, she's healthy, I'm OK and it could have been much worse. My husband too stepped up in so many amazing ways to take care of us both that day and I will always love and admire him for his support and love that day. Trying to redirect my thoughts about what could have gone differently or better, because ultimately my husband and my marriage was strengthened because of the rollercoaster of that day, and we have a beautiful baby girl who we love and adore. My daughter's birth was not at all what I had planned but she is everything I prayed for and so much more ❤️.

***EDIT: I'd also like to add that some people like to mom-shame others for having a C-section (I've seen it on here) because they think it's the "easy way out". Let me set that straight right now; nothing is "easy" about having your body cut into and ripped apart, not being able to see the moment your child actually enters the world, not being able to do delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin, breastfeeding right away or any of the things I had planned to do. Nothing is easy about being so sore and not even being able to lift your baby in certain ways, or having your daughter have latch issues because her first feed had to be a bottle since mom was still in surgery. Nothing is easy about looking back on your birth story with a bit of sadness because it wasn't the beautiful moment you dreamt of, even though it still brought you the most beautiful gift in the world. So to the critics, kindly eff right off, because C-section moms love their babies so much that they're willing to undergo painful and necessary (sometimes life saving) surgery to get their babies into the world safely. That is NOT the easy way out, and there is no shame in it at all, just like moms who birth vaginally should be proud so should those who had to go a different route. In the end we all are (hopefully) lucky enough to have healthy babies and that's what really matters. Sorry for the extremely long post but I felt that needed to be said.***