desperate

I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm desperately praying for an answer and it isn't one I want to hear or just simply believe. I feel like my life is crumbling to pieces without a definite bfp. I feel so far away from god! And all the happiness he has promised. I don't want to try anymore I don't want to pray anymore I just need my miracle to move forward. How do I move forward with all the disappointments. I no longer want to be a vessel I want to be left alone to rot. After I had a MC I knew things would never be the same. How I've been there for so many people during their pregnancies watching them evolve and still I sit here. Waiting. Trying. But slowly giving up forever, eternally