Feeling unattractive (long post)
I have no issue with my partner using porn for self release, especially since I've been ignoring his advances towards me for the last 9 months. We have talked about it and I've made it clear I'm happy for him to do what he needs to do while I'm not home. He's a good guy and would never do it while I was home, I believe it's more of a private occasional shower after work thing for him.
Lately I've been trying to get him to have sex with me, I've asked a few times but it never happens. I know he's probably scared of hurting me or the baby now I'm practically 40 weeks. But I have mentioned it can induce labour and I'd like to try. He said he doesn't want sex to bring her into the world.
This week while being unable to sleep, I've been snooping through his phone. I know that's a really shitty thing for me to do, but we have each other's pass codes and it's never been an issue to use each other's phones. Well his camera roll was full of nude screenshots from internet girls. He is also using snapchat to watch what I've come to learn as "snapfaps." His browser history is full of pornhub links and he is google searching females by name to find their nudes.
My problem is these girls look the total opposite of me. They're blonde, I'm not. They're skiny little things, I'm this huge round pregnant whale at the moment. While they are all freshly groomed, not a hair in sight, I can't see over my stomach to groom anything. I feel like I'm not what he fell in love with. The cute lacy lingere he is seeing on these "snapfaps", I have replaced with granny panties and his shirts ☹️
I never thought knowing what he is up to would hurt, but I'm pretty sure he is not attracted me to anymore. I can't tell him because I don't want him to know I snooped through his phone. I want this baby out ASAP so I can feel like myself again 😔
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