I'm 35 this year 36... and not getting any younger of course . I don't have any kids but lately everyone had been pushing for this to happens including the hubby that was totally ok before with my desire of not having kids . My worries are numerous... 1 I had polycystic ovary tumor removed under an emergency surgery.. and post traumatic event that no one seems to care about it . 2 have to go thru another surgery to deliver a baby .. in my mind the fact to go under the knife one more time terrifies me a lot .. 3 my body been ruined one more time by a huge scar right on the middle of my body . 4 not been elected to lost all that weight that mom's gain having a baby and have to carry-on marks of war ( mom's stretch marks ) that dad's don't have to deal with. 5 what in the world u do with a baby after all ???? I have no idea what to deal with a baby .. 6 why to deal with a baby that will spend more hrs at the day care than with me ??? Why no body seems to see it ¡¡¡ is not fear for a little buddy that I love ¡¡¡ I work 12 hrs shifts at a hospital ¡¡ why have to change my entire world just to pleased everyone 😔 and many more and more numbers 😔😔 the clock is ticking against me lately I don't want to be selfish but I never saw my self as a mom never not even when I was little . Even when I lov kids. I'm so afraid to postpartum things and end up having a social worker visit why I can't be just normal and have kids like any other person . Is it just me ???