Idk anymore

Okay, my mom and dad are divorced. My mom is married to the love of her life (my now step dad) he's been my step dad since I was 7 (now 16) and I love my step dad, with EVERYTHING I have, but here latley he's been really mean to me. And makes me feel bad about myself, not knowing he's doing it. And I feel like I should move in with my dad , and if I did I would have my own room (I share one with my grandma rn 😒), but I just spent an hour in the shower crying because of my step dad. If I moved in with my dad it shouldn't be that bad, other than he's a drunk. Is have WAYYY more freedom (my step dad is strict, so it makes my mom strict), better school (I hate everyone I go to school with) and I wouldn't feel like shit, because my step dad. I need help 🙃