Equality in relationships?

Question

Now I'm genuinely curious...Why are so many people so concerned with things being EQUAL? Why is that so important? I could not imagine keeping track of everything thing my husband does or doesn't do so I can compare it to my day and then hold it agains him because I picked up more socks that day then he did. And I could not imagine being treated that way by him. I think it would absolutely break my heart if we went out and got home and my husband said "okay well now to be equal you owe me $47.67 for the night!" That's an absolutely ridiculous way to live! Just love each other and quit competing! If your giving 100% that's what you should be doing! I'm not encouraging anybody to let another person take advantage of them but if your in a loving relationship that won't be happening any way!
Update: what does a relationship (in your opinion) that's unequal look like? Like give an example ... if it's deferent for everybody I'd love some examples. I'm just curious and want to know what people mean when they talk about being equal in a relationship. What's wrong with being unequal? (And I'm not talking about abuseve relationships obviously I know that's wrong)

Answer

I don't really think that anyone is talking about going tit for tat on everything. I think equality in a relationship is what it means to each person. As long as you feel as you're being treated equally, that's what matters and it's not about going tit for tat... it's about feeling like equal persons.

Answer

It only matters if it's bothering you. If you're okay with it then it doesn't matter. But for some people it does bother them and that's when it matters.

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I see it more as, he does as much as I do and we both appreciate eachother equally not "I spent this amount of money on you now you need to pay it back."

Answer

I don't think that "equal in a relationship" means like spending the same exact amount of money or comparing how much work was done by each person down to picking up socks. I think my relationship is equal...but not 100%. I think equal means that we both take care of our responsibilities. He works and I'm a SAHM. I think it means looking after one another. I take care of him when he's down or sick or having a rough patch. I expect him to take care of me in those ways as well. We both made our children...we are both expected to spend time with them and teach them. And we both need alone time or free time. Neither one of us should be expected to constantly being doing something. If I would like to watch House on Netflix then I should be able to take an hour to myself. If he would like to veg in the bedroom and play video games for a while, he should not be disturbed during that time. I think that equality in a relationship means taking care of one another and not expecting one person to carry the whole workload. There will be times when he hits a lazy spell and I do everything for a while. But I know there's going to be a time where I hit a lazy spell too. We shouldn't have to apologize for it. We shouldn't feel guilty about it... Because we depend on each other and there's nothing wrong with that. We're going 8 years strong since we were 16. High school sweethearts. We have a 5 year old little boy and are expecting our daughter in May. I couldn't imagine working so well in life with anyone else.

Answer

So equally in a relationship for me is putting in as much effort as the other. I am a sahm right now with 2 kids. I get an average of 6hr of sleep a night, my husband trieds to get 8hrs, and the majority of the rest of my time is spent caring for kids, cleaning or cooking, plus I breastfeed every 2 hours. I don't get 8hrs a night plus weekends off work like he does. I'm constantly working. It's only fair that when my husband is home that he helps a little and gives me some time to relax as well. He does probably 30-40% of dinners, he's in charge of dishes, garbage and running laundry up and down the stairs for me. It's not a lot to ask or expect. With him doing these, he still has time to relax, hang out with friends/brothers, work on home projects. And it helps relieve stress from me and allows me a small amount of me time.
An unequal relationship to me would be where one person is putting in more effort into spousal duties such as work, home or kids and isn't getting the help they want/need from their SO. If one person likes and can handle all at home needs while the other handles all employment/financial need and it works for them, great, but if one person feels they are putting more in and feels overworked and the other refuses to help, that is unequal.

Answer

A relationship that is unequal would be one that both people weren't content/okay with. An example would be if one person refused to work but also refused to do any household chores or take care of the kids so literally everything was up to their partner. Obviously it's different for everyone. You want to be a SAHM at some point, I would go crazy if I did that. My fiancé and I already have a system of splitting bills (50/50) chores, housework, date nights, etc. and it works for us. It's not how you broke it down at all. No one keeps score, we just have an understanding. One person is never doing EVERYTHING and that's what works for us. I could never be completely dependent on someone because I hate that feeling but for others, it's ideal. It's just up to your preference.

Answer

I think what they mean by equality is financial equality . Like each person can afford their half of things and both parties put in an equal effort into the relationship and yes, chores . But like someone else said I don't think they mean going as far as counting or keeping track of each dollar or sock that's picked up on the floor . But equality in a relationship does help make both parties feel loved and appreciated , and not like the other person doesnt care or is lazy .

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I believe in equal but different. I mean if you went down to the nitty gritty i most likely do more but i just see it as we each have different responsibilities and as long and they get done i call it equal. My husband goes to work. And i run the house, kids, pets, make sure bills are paid, make meals, laundry, everything. For us though this is our "equal" and it works really well for us.

Answer

I consider my relationship equal but we certainly don't do anything like that. I pay sometimes and sometimes he pays- we don't keep track at all. We don't live together but we'll both cook for each other or help with dishes and I'll occasionally help him with laundry because he has a tendency to ruin his nice shirts. But we're also equals in the sense that we treat each other as equals. We're not the same person, but we match eachother intellectually (which I personally feel is important) and we bring equal amounts to our relationship (different qualities and experiences but we're equal). I don't think I'm explaining it well but when I say my boyfriend and I are each other's equal I don't mean splitting everything in half I mean it in a more intellectual and emotional sense.

Answer

Preach girl!!! We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I'm in the process of getting a PhD in organic chemistry. He's an actor. Currently, he's well to do and I'm piss poor, but probably there will be a point or points in the future where I support us. Etc. Perfect equality would be so damn boring 😉

Equality in relationships?

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