Am I the only one?

People say to write your feelings down and you will feel better. I did that a lot in high school and cranked our some pretty good poetry as a result.

When I graduated my now ex husband would get mad at me for writing my feelings down because I had a hard time actually talking about my feelings. So I kept them bottled up and pretended everything was fine (side note: he became very abusive)

Now I'm married to a great guy and I still have a hard time talking about my sad or mad feelings but I don't write them down cause they just make me cry or more mad.

I'd rather cry in the shower or put my anger into scrubbing my body with soap.

Nothing gets fixed, I still feel crappy and my husband is so good he will lay in bed and let me cry on him. He asks me gentle questions and reassures me that I'm not a failure.

But when he's not home all I want to do is stay in bed but I have to care for our 4 kids. So idk what to do.