baby shower ( long )

Gabriela
Question to you ladies; 
I am about almost 5 months along, I'll be finding out gender of baby in 3 weeks. I am trying to get things set up for a baby shower.. the father of my child and I are not together we were together for 10 months he still shows up to the appointments. The breakup was pretty much out of the blue. 
My mother does not like his mother at all; my mother thinks his mother is very Unresponsible. I've never really had problems with his mother at all.
My mother keeps bashing on his mom and even tho we aren't together I still want both parties to respect each other not for my ex or me but for the baby's sake. 
Last night my mom had told me she was going to plan my baby shower and that his family needed to throw a separate one. 
I told her that that is not what I want that I want to have one big baby shower for both sides and just get it done with and have both be civil for ONE day. My mother told me that she would not have a shower with his mother. It made me upset.. 
I told my mom who I wanted to invited and she said are you doing this or am I? And I said I'm not aloud to invite who I'd like to the shower. She started to shake her head and said she's done. 
My mother had said something to my grandmother about how I wanted to do a baby shower at a park around the end of June and around first week of July before my due date in august. My mother and grandmother said that I can't plan my own baby shower because the person who's pregnant cannot plan there own shower.. 
I guess my question to you ladies how many of you have planned your own shower? But have let others help? 
I guess I feel like I get someone helping me with certain things but I also would like to have things go how I'd like them too..