I may make no sense. But i need to just let my thoughts out. I feel i will bore my people with them.

I was 16 with my 1st boy, so you know i wasnt really planning my conception then, but he is a blessing! I was a single mom for a while. Then i get married( thinking i wanted to wait before i got pregnant, so my husband and son can grow close and bond before having another) i got the dep injection.... Big mistake! My cycle was all over the place. Ended up deciding i would just let it be. 5 months after marriage, we were surprised and conceived. I now have 2 boys. I have always wanted a BIg family and realized.... I turn 30 this december! If i want a big family, i gotta get on it! So i had my Iud taken out almost a month ago and NOW we are trying for baby #3. This is my first official time actually "trying" to get pregnant, by <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">tracking ovulation</a>. Ovulation was this "thursday" according to app but then i get surprised with spotting during what is supposed to be ovulation and again now 3dpo.

This is my first month ttc. And i am already so anxious Hoping i end up pregnant this 1st try. The tww seems just so dreadful. I find myself reading all kind of ttc stories, and ov spotting and so on so on. I CAN NOT even imagine those who have gone months or years before conceiving. I dk why the thought. Or fear that i may not conceive even crosses my mind. I for some reason feel so emotional and idk why!? Sigh. My post probably makes no sense. But am i the only one that wants a big family, has age deadlines and hopes to meet them and also fears it not happening! Sigh.

My respects to you ladies who have gone through this much much longer than me.