I'm so so scared

I have alwYs been someone who is really weird about vaginal health, cleaning properly and enough etc. I have 2 diseases that affect me there and cause me pain often, like everyday of my life. I am terrified, terrified to give birth. I am absolutely terrified of the tearing. Because I have enough pain in my vagina and urethra as it is... I'm so scared of during and after I give birth. Can somebody maybe share there story? How does it heal? What about going to the bathroom after? Things like that... big thanks in advance!