Feeling down

I am never happy , when ever there is this moment where I think I'm going to be some thing just knocks me back into place.

I have had thoughts of killing my self, self hurt and all that well I stopped it has been 8 or 9 years since the last time I did it.

Mostly keep to my self I have no friends let's not even step on the topic of relationships I never have good ones and I have officially given up on that nothing is perfect and I know that.

I don't think how I am living is healthy apparently humans need human contact I don't have that I don't even go outside because every one I try this be friends with seem to not want to be around me or they feel sorry for me.

I just wish I could he happy I'm never happy