EBF moms, how do your partners help out?

Question

My daughter is almost 3 weeks old and I've been ebf. Obviously that makes all the feedings my responsibility. I'm off work for 3 months and he was only off 2 weeks so has been working for a week already. I don't really mind being the one to have to do everything at night time because I understand there isn't much he can do but when he has a day off I still find I'm the one doing mostly everything. I just feel like I'm the one that has been making all of the sacrifices and he still is keeping to his normal schedule (sleep, gym, etc). He will hold her while he's not doing anything and change her and whatnot. Am I the only one that feels like this? How do I get him more involved? He's a great guy and loves our daughter, but I'm not sure he knows how to help more (and neither do I).

Answer

That's pretty normal. We like to think that in our progressive world that our roles are more equal but in reality they aren't. Men tend to worry about work and expect women to just deal with the kid and house stuff. I would ask him to help out around the house more. Maybe doing the grocery shopping. Laundry, dishes, and dinners are easy enough for him to help with too Because babies produce a ton of laundry and as a mommy with a baby stuck to your boob 24/7 it's hard to get to all the housework. Men in general take longer I think to adjust to all the added stress and work. I think they don't realize just how much work it is to have kids. I know with my first baby my husband mostly focused on work and helped a bit with the baby when he was home. But now after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids with a 4th on the way he has really stepped up and helps a ton now. But it took several years before he really took the initiative and started helping a bunch with housework. Now he does grocery shopping when I can't manage it and helps with housework. Even does homework with our oldest if I'm busy cleaning or making dinner. After awhile you get into a groove and really start to work as a team. Give it time and tell him how you feel, men need a push from time to time.

Answer

When I ebf and my husband was around he did EVERYTHING else. Even when he got home from work, not just days off.

Diapers, dressing, getting me stuff for baby, rocking/shushing, bath.. just holding her. Laundry, dishes, meals...

Given ebf was excruciatingly hard for us and daughter did not sleep for the first month. She fed every hour or two 24x7.

...he also shared nights. Back then I would've said it I had it worse because I never got a break from her or got to leave the house... but in hindsight he did a great job.

Answer

Omg yes! This is totally normal. Tell him what a great Dad he is and give him specific examples of what you find helpful. Then ask him if he could help you out by taking the baby for an hour after work so you can shower/relax whatever. Or if he has weekends off, when baby wakes for the day you can feed her and he can take over till her next feeding so you can sleep in. Good luck mama!

Answer

My husband manly picked up chores to help. You could pump one day and have him get up with the baby so you can sleep in a bit.

Answer

My son is 1 month old. Since the beginning I have pumped enough for 2 bottles a week. That covers a 3AM and 6AM feeding so I can get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep one night per week. It has definitely helped with my sanity.

Answer

Forget that! My husband understands that I've been 'working' all day just like he has. However it's his opportunity to have baby time and for me to well, not have baby time and he also does nighttime too. He says it's more important for me to have more sleep than him. Btw, my daughter is 7 weeks me I also have 12 weeks off and he only took four days off after birth.

Answer

We do make most of the sacrifices and I know it's hard I get jealous of my hubby sometimes gets to continue on his normal life! But it's ok it's part of being a momma my husband is amazing and helps with all the chores on the weekends, and on weekend nights he will wake up with the baby once (I have a bad sleeper who doesn't always wake to nurse but just needs to be rocked!) and sometimes he wakes in the morning with the baby and 4 year old so I can sleep in a bit...  also I just pumped a bottle for the first time at two months old and went to the grocery store and wow what a break! I'm going to do that more often and take my 4 year old out to Starbucks and library or something so I can have a baby break and special time with her. Also good bonding time for daddy and baby!

Answer

He helps with diaper changes, calming her down, fetching me things, cooking sometimes, cleaning sometimes. Life is full with a LO. But I try to let him rest too, because he works hard. I don't wake him at night.

Answer

It's just super demanding on the mommy the first few months. That's normal. After that, it all starts to get easier and soon it will be easier than formula feeding! I love being a mom and taking care of the house stuff. But since I have to work a bit to supplement our income, I talked to my husband and told him that it's impossible for me to do it all. He'll do diaper changes and put baby to sleep when I need it, but it's still mostly me. If he doesn't feel like helping with housework, he knows he just has to deal with a messy house for a while. He has done dishes a few times even though he hates it. I know that's a big deal for him. What he likes to do that helps me a ton is he wakes up in the mornings and takes care of our 4 year old while I nurse the baby and go back to sleep till mid to late morning. That's so wonderful! Just talk about what you need, what he needs, and what he will realistically do. Don't compare with other families. Do what works for you both. For me, just the fact that he's supportive of me emotionally and shows love for me, that overwhelmed feeling goes away. And I know that this adjustment and messy house is just for a season, and so does he.

Answer

You are definitely NOT the only one. I feel the same way. I love my husband but I feel as though there is much more he can do but idk what.

EBF moms, how do your partners help out?

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