So when I was 5 I was raped all my childhood until I could defend myself from my Dad . My mom and him are divorced and I have to go out of town with him and my younger brother every other weekend and I always get scared , my mom knows he did this because she read my messages with my best friend talking about it about one year ago and begged her not to tell and she agreed that if he does anything else she will tell , well now my best friend (anissa) isn't my best friend because she told her boyfriend that my boyfriend hit her but he never did.. And now all I have is my boyfriend and I had sex with him.. But it was strange because there was blood like if I lost my virginity to him, I still am sexually active with him and don't tell my mom because she is so judge mental and not helpful at all , she says if she finds anything out she will take me far from him and I'd never see him again . and a rumor has been spread around my whole school that I'm pregnant and it got to my mom twice and she's yelled at me for it . I don't know what to do because no lie my boyfriend is the only person there for me and understands me .. Everyone else is so judgemental and no help even if its my mom . I also used to cut .. And my grandma died from suicide . And my boyfriend helped with that and my mom said it was stupid and people like that go to hell. I've took screen test on depression and my results are always severe or moderately high

I don't know anymore, i need advice..