I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I have an appointment with a doctor to talk but I feel like I'm crazy.

My daughter is 9 months old. And when she gets fussy or starts crying, something in my head snaps and I get so mad I have to put her in her crib and walk as far away as I can so I can stop shaking and crying and cussing. Ive felt like covering her mouth so she wont cry anymore, and I know to leave as soon as it crosses my mind. I've called her an asshole and a dick and then 10 minutes later I'm sobbing because how the hell could I EVER CALL MY BEAUTIFUL BABY THAT?!?

I know something is wrong with me I've asked family and friends and BD help and they all assume I mean I need help holding her or playing with her. I NEED HELP SO I CAN STOP BEING SO ANGRY FOR NO REASON.

Has anyone else gone through this? I feel like the world's worst mother. I know something is wrong but I don't know what and I don't know how to get anyone to help me without thinking I should go to jail...