So I had my fourth and final child on March 9. She is beautiful as are all of my children. My husband said he didn't want anymore children so I got my tubes removed. Not just tied. Removed. Bilateral salpingectomy. They do that now because it may reduce your risk of ovarian cancer. And I figured that if I'm done having children a reduction in cancer chances is a bonus. Here's the thing. This is depressing as shit. It's been 3 days since I had it done and I can't help but mourn the loss of my fertility. I hold my newborn and all I can think about is how this is the last time I get to do this. And it makes me sick. Please tell me that it will get easier. I didn't really feel "done" but I'm not the one who pays to take care of the kids. I'm a stay at home mom. So I feel like if he said he's done then we should be done. Right? The procedure is obviously completely irreversible because I have no tubes to untie or whatever so it's all water under the bridge really. I guess I just wanted to vent. To tell someone how I feel. I've been bottling it in. When I woke up from surgery it felt like a punch in the gut when I came to terms with the thought that up until now my main thing I've ever been good at which is being a mom and having babies, is now completely over. Ugh. I hope I can come to terms and be okay with it eventually. I didn't think it would hurt this much. I wish I could stop time and keep my little newborn from growing up.