So this may be long but hear me out. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months now and we've been really good so far and I'm beyond happy with him and our relationship. However, there's something I've been hiding from him. A little over a month ago my friend had a party and I'm not going to lie I was very drunk and high. But I was there with my boyfriend and I was having fun. So also there was this one guy who used to be my best friend, and by best friend I mean it. Super close, been through everything with me, even helped me through my last relationship. However he was deeply in love with me and told me a month before I started dating my current boyfriend. And I'm not going to lie, I used to like him to but I knew there wasn't going to be a chance for us because 1) he comes from a strict family and his mother would never except a wife girl in his life and 2) he never made that move you know? Like he never took his chance I guess you could say and I'm not blaming him whatsoever. But anyways me starting to date my current boyfriend really brought me and my friend apart and we didn't speak for a few weeks. But we became close again back in February finally (which happened to be when this party was) but anyways at the party I wanted to have a talk and close things, get closure. And he's been putting off this talk for a long time. He was never the one to say his true feelings or anything. But that night we were in the bathroom and I was talking to him. And the lights were off, and during this talk he kissed me. He was the one who kissed me and I'm definitely not trying to just say that to blame him or accuse him but it was him who kissed me. So I was drunk and it was a short kiss and I kind of just ignored it. So I told him I had to go and I left and he left right after. Now my boyfriend knew I was with him and talking. My boyfriend told me he didn't like it but that he trusted me and didn't think anything. So I was drunk and high and I just forgot and moved on (and I'm not using me being intoxicated as an excuse btw). Now when I say this kiss happened it was nothing to me. I had no feelings and I felt nothing. I felt awful myself cause I never told my boyfriend when now I think I should of. Because the next day I didn't speak to this friend and I didn't speak to him for a while. And we still aren't speaking because I knew I wanted to distance myself and I knew we could never be friends cause he still loved me. But for the past months I've been having these dreams, and i don't know if I sound stupid but I feel like they are guilt dreams: I always dream of me losing my boyfriend somehow, in some way. And I keep having them. I wanna tell my boyfriend but I'm scared of how he'll take it. He'll be pissed both ways, but I'm afraid he'll end us or he'll wanna hurt my old friend. I'm so lost and so worried and I feel awful I didn't tell him after it happened I just have had bad relationships where I was threatened a lot with losing someone or just naturally blamed for everything. And I mean everything. Please just give me some advice? Or something? Do I tell, or just keep it a secret?