I'm sick of people my age pretending on social media to be "depressed". Or going to doctors because they've felt low for a couple of days and think they're depressed and when they get told they're not they have a massive rant about it on social media. It makes it incredibly hard for those who suffer with severe depression to be diagnosed because doctors and psychiatrists cannot tell the difference and just assume that someone whose young is fine & they're moods are just due to low mood rather than depression. 

I guess I wanted to tell everyone my story. 

I went to my psychiatrist appointment and I know I'm depressed, I've felt low and suicidal for months now not weeks and show all the clear symptoms of depression and can't enjoy and lack motivation to do anything. 

My psychiatrist told me that I wasn't depressed because I can laugh (of which I do to try and shift the conversation, I find it hard to talk about my feelings) he also said I wasn't depressed because I go to the gym and people who are depressed don't do that (I find it hard some days but I've been set homework by my therapist to go to the gym everyday, it sometimes helps with my mood). 

I told him I was having suicidal thoughts and he brushed it off. He didn't believe me at all. 

Telling a depressed person that they aren't depressed when they're seeking help and trying to be so honest is the hardest thing anyone will have to do, it's so hard to be honest and ask for help. 

I did that. It was hard. I almost broke down in tears infront of him. But I left his office, and went outside the building and broke down in tears. I couldn't cope. I didn't want to be alive. I got the bus back home still in tears. Not because I wanted the diagnosis of depression but because I wanted help. I wanted to fight. 

I was crying so much but on the way back i had one of my normal thoughts "let's just end my life. End the suffering. I want to die". With that and the state I left his office in that is exactly what I tried to do. I took many antipsychotics walked home. I then realised what I had done. I'd attempted suicide. Not for the first time but for the 3rd. I told my dad; I was scared. Death scares everyone; even those who are suicidal. He told my mum and she took me to hospital where I laid, for 3 days, close to having a heart attack, but I pulled through. It's been a day since I've been out & I still feel so low. My psychatric assessment came back as fit to go home, but I'll be under close watch. I'll never gain my trust from my parents back. 

Depression isn't romantic, or nice. It doesn't get you the attention.  Every single nurse looked at me funny with a horrible look in the hospital. The doctors were nice and looked after me. 

I was so lucky and even though being low at the moment I'm safe. 

I just wanted to leave this here. 

My psychiatrist not believing me added to the suicidal thoughts almost killed me. 

He didn't believe me because too many people pretend they have depression in order to get attention. Whether that was over social media or whatever. I'm 18 years old, which unfortunately most people my age do make it up to get attention. 

My heart is now damaged. Depression has seeped into my physical wellbeing as well as my mental wellbeing. 

I guess I just wanted to rant/rave. It's not aimed at people on this app, but if you know people like this just have a chat with them, of course making sure they are ok. 

But this has destroyed me. There's pictures of me below. The first is me the very first night of taking an overdose. The others are from the days after. 

I'm just sick of the attention seekers sucking all the help away from those who are genuinely depressed or those who need help. 

If he believed me then this would have been avoided. 

Feel free to comment opinions; but no hate please, as you can imagine I've been out for one day and very low. 

Sending love and hugs to you all 💖