I want out... long vent.

Guys this is a hard situation to deal with & express... I've been married only 5 months and I just feel it's over ...

backstory- We have been together for 3 years and we now have a 15 month old together.

In the beginning of us dating he was the sweetest guy... always put me 1st & surprised me with little gifts & dates.

He was always sweet & respectful.

fast forward... now 3 years later he shames me in front of people making sexual jokes when he isn't getting enough from me. And basically tells everyone Everything we do in bed.

To this day he has NEVER bathed our 15 month old son. He gets pissy and refuses to change dirty diapers. He refuses to watch our son, EVER. His other kids come over to our house and Im made to keep them anytime he needs to go somewhere bc he doesn't want to be bothered by them. My grandmother keeps my son any time I need to go anywhere or work (I work nights) bc my HUSBAND swears he can't wake up to care for him.. I tried to be understanding of what he says is his condition, by compromising with him to help during the early morning with our son so I can catch up on sleep.. but he will ignore me come morning. Get angry, yell and cuss at me in front of his 4&6 year old. Today he told me, if we separated I could go bar hopping with a cousin whom he is very jealous of (yes, family!) and use my "cocksucker on someone else" then called me dumb and a retard. I told him I've contacted a lawyer and I want a divorce. The problem is guys I'm scared to. Not for myself bc I've left an abusive relationship before but for our baby.. bc my husband refuses all the time to give his older two kids drinks, or to cook when they're hungry. I've witnessed it. By then I'm the one who will cook for them, give them drinks and buy anything they need. My husband never provides for ethier of his kids our our baby I do or his mom or my grandmother. But mostly the financial strain is on me. My other concern is my husband's anger he issues.. he has called his 4 year old a retard. a pussy. dumbass. and makes fun of him for being slower almost every day. When he's done being mean to him expects his 4 year old to love on him and want to cuddle. When the 4yo refuses he gets mad at him and yells.

Today my husband threw a fork across the room and yelled at me and told me to shut the fuck up...

the reason why? bc I asked if he was doing Meth again. He has a bad past with addiction and has admitted to begin high while watching our baby. This is another reason he is not aloud to be with him alone anymore.

Ladies idk what to do.. I want to be happy again. and to have money again and to be able to not be so stressed that I'm an angry person. that's not who I am.. Every time i say or try to leave though he threatens to kill himself. or threatens to take our son away from me. or he will tell me if I leave he will "beat the fuck" outta anyone I try to date. Yet he has been caught on his phone at least 3 times before our marriage (we tried to work through it) again before our son was born and again about 5 months ago.

I can't take being the only source of steady income, carrying the load for all three kids, being put down and fighting every day.

I need help. I need advice.

I have contacted a lawyer. it sucks bc I love him so much. but he's turning into a monster anymore.

****** edit

I would like to stay anonymous bc this whole situation is embarrassing to me :( Marrying someone like this and let him be my baby's father.. I don't know how to get help from the law to make him leave me and my baby alone until I can get on my own feet and be safe. He harasses me to the point that I usually end up leaving the house for a few hours only to have him blow my phone up about killing himself. and harassing me until I come home.

the last time I left, he came outside as I was leaving (i was in my blazer already in reverse.) I rolled the passenger Window down to ask him what he wanted an he grabbed the window and shook it really hard saying "I'll break this mother fucker!" and huffing and puffing.. I rolled up the window and left.

I want to leave guys. but I am so worried about my son ending up with him alone in the future that I've endured it this long.. simply bc idk what he will do with me outta sight. or for revenge even.

before we started dating he only seen his other 2 kids 2-4 times a month. by his choice. I was court ordered every weekend. but he would do less then.

I'm just so lost and dunno what to do. I've never called the law on him bc he said he they show up and try to take him to the hospital for a psychological exam he's "Done for".

Already, he's been up 1 1/2hours and cussing me and saying that the reason he slept all day today & missed out on the kids is my fault bc I make him depreased bc I stood up for the kids earlier n took them to an egg hunt bc he refused to bc we haven't been all lovey dovey today... his daughter called him lazy & mean *she's 6* (that was the point he told me to shut up & called me stupid and retarded) and he said "If I'm so lazy I'll just disappear and you can stay with your so called role model here' went out to his truck and slept for hours with her crying thinking he really left her and wasn't coming back.. in the past when I've tried to split up from him he would tell his kids I was making them homeless and I didn't love them enough and that they would never see their baby brother again bc of me...