Trisomy 13 anyone else MC caused by this?
I lost my son at 8 weeks back in Aug because of trisomy 13. The loss was so upsetting that it split my fiancé and I up.
It's been months and I'm still angry. The D&C was expensive and med bills are a constant reminder of my loss. The insurance went so far as to categorize my procedure as an abortion so of course my phone call to them was not a pleasant one.
I refused to share my pregnancy with anyone until I heard the baby's heartbeat (this was my fear from the beginning...almost as if my body already knew something was terribly wrong) and when I had my 1st ultrasound my greatest fear was confirmed.
You sit there blinking back at the Dr. who was just telling you, a few moments ago, all about how to keep this baby healthy.
And now suddenly they are giving you options as to what your body is going to do to handle this miscarriage. After all, that is what it is "a Missed miscarriage" my body was mistaken bc it MISSED something that was extremely important.
I'm in my late 30's so this pregnancy was a welcomed surprise that led me down a road of loss and misery. It rocked me to my core and haunted my dreams. I have mostly anxiety now all about how I may never be a mother or define myself as the mother. And I deny everyday that I am the mother of a dead baby boy that only 4 people my closest family and friends and my broken fiancé know about.
I also felt guilty because it was a relief; I didn't feel ready. A narrow escape from something I wasn't sure I could ever have and as soon as I accepted it, it was torn away just as quickly.
When the Dr. called and told me the cause was chromosomal "nothing could have prevented it & called trisomy 13. It is trisomy 13 & 18 are the most common causes of early miscarriage" this was what she originally had suspected.
"Your body usually senses the issue and naturally begins to reject the pregnancy but sometimes it just doesn't and that's when we find no presence of heartbeat. There is no way to prevent this, it just happens. The egg just does not develop or have the the genetic material it needs to grow into a healthy baby."
I wrote down "trisomy 13" and my voice trembled as I asked her the sex of my baby. She told me it was a boy. I stood there for a moment and took a deep breath...
I almost had a little boy. I pictured my brother when he was little and my cousins babies that were always plastered all over Facebook. He would have been so beautiful.
Then my mind wondered into the darkness again. What is trisomy 13?
Of course I googled it and to tortured myself by looking at all the deformed pictures of the fetuses. I was suddenly angry at myself as of course I felt like my stress level and lifestyle had to contribute to this chromosomal mishap. "nothing you could've" done was in the back of my mind flowed by bubbles of anger and the "whys" and "what ifs".
There are, however, no answers. They just tell you to try again and now my Dr wants me to take the DHEA shot when I decide I am ready for another try. Apparently it helps prevent downs which is also known as trisomy 21 (as it is chromosomal as well specifically an extra chromosome) and it scares the hell out of me.
I seriously questioned myself, is it selfish to try again?? I don't know I always wanted to be a mom and in fact everyone agrees I would be an ideal mother but I find myself weighing all the odds against me.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, maybe I'm just scared of the terrible awful happening inside me again.
It's just one of the most haunting things that has ever happened to me in my life.
My son would have been due on March 19, 2015. I try to picture what he would have looked like and the idea of holding him and watching him grow is so difficult to grasp.
I'm still struggling with his upcoming birthday and what it would have meant to me and my family (most have no idea he ever existed) it's just torture all around.
I'm sorry for anyone who is going through this it's a constant personal struggle and we all suffer silently. Love and prayers to all of you mommies bc you are a mom no matter what happened, that baby did exist. And just knowing they were a part of you for just a moment is not enough but has forever changed who we are; greiving mothers.
💕
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