Sex & Relationships
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its sex and old relationship, It's long sorry but I hope it makes sense😞
So me and my ex. Continuously get together here and there , for over a year now going for 2 years and even when he has gf and I always said I wouldn't do that to the girlfriends he had because I know how it feels to be cheated on by him (even if he swore he never did when we were together ) here's a little insight we met when I was 15 him 16 , he's always been known for having different gf and being a player , instantly I like him we talked for like 2 months before I went to meet up with him during summer this was and we hung out and made out he tried to take it further than that but I was scared so we didn't and he was okay with it , we still joked around and had a good day and when I had to go with my freind he walked me to where she was and he kissed me and said he'll talk to me later...(I was beyond stoked) maybe an hour after my freind said he posted a picture so I was going to go like it and when I went on ig come to find out he blocked me on everything, i was confused and honestly hurt cause I thought that was going to be my first bf,never talked to after that, I forgot about him in a way 2 Years pass his name start to pop around with girls I was cool with and this time I'm 17 now and I told the girls to be careful I didn't have a great experience with him and didn't want them to get hurt as I did these girls were like 15/16 &I he's 18 by now ...(I live in a small town and the towns over I know almost everyone cause there small towns as well ,literally) well that passes and then it comes to summer , I'm 18 now and I had this best freind but ( because of high school bullying and drama I became distant and didn't go to school ) and she knew me when I first went out with my ex and she knew I use to like him a lot and was still hurt over the situation but she still talked to him and she would post him and maybe she didn't remember that was him or maybe didn't care enough but I just let it be ... around the end of summer I saw him cause one of my freinds and we all hung out and that was the first time after 2 years of not running into each other or talking and then all events pass we started talking in September he started making me like him again he was so kinda and funny and obviously hot and loving in a way , then one night we were joking and at the time people started doing boyfriend/girlfriend applications and us joking around sent it to each other but I didn't think much about it intill he's like your approved, am I?& I said yes still thought it was joke tho &I then he later on posted me and put me on everything , it got awkward for me at a point cause he asked me if I had ig and I said yes but he had me blocked and we left at that he unblocked me and we're fine I was giving a chance ... maybe 2 weeks pass after this cause I got grounded and I knew the only way to see him was if my mom met him and he was totally okay with it we had dinner my mom liked him at this point , I would wake up everyday so scared thinking is this the day he blocks me and doesn't talk to me , it didn't happen so I relaxed a lot... everyone started to know we were together, we September -November/beginning of December yes super short time but honestly it was the greatest time for me , (insider I'm severely depressed person ) he helped that he made it easier for me cause he would distract me and I just loved spending time with him , I was really open with him sense the beginning, I could joke around with him and sing at the top of my lungs and he always had plans for us to do or have ..October come Halloween , he had me go to a family party and meet his parents and everyone was I scared! Lol but it turned out great then we went to his freinds party and he was doing "security" so o stayed with him cause my freinds weren't there yet and finally we went in and it was a fun night , that night we ended up getting a room after all cause neither of us wanted to go home and my mom was out of town anyways , and I'm one to not take off my makeup when I feel I look horrible without it , we ended up having sex for the first time ( prior I was a virgin but I didn't hook up or anything with anyone so I was so nervous ,he made me feel secure and safe) the next day went shopping and I went into pink because they had a new bra out and I wanted to see for my next pay check and he knew I wanted it without even telling him and I told him okay let's go and he said for me to get it but I said I didn't have the money for it rn that would come for it next paycheck so instead he had me grab it and bought it for me, yes a bra made me so happy and felt like he was a genuine person and cared if that makes sense beside everything else he had done before and after this but that always stuck with me ... fast forward November come raiders game yes we're raiders fan but he got me more into it , we were fine great time and well we lost so disappointing game lol , fastfoword after thanksgiving we didn't spend it together and things started to go down hill he had problems going on and I tried to be there &i he's one to deal on his own cause that's how he grew up and I understood but I let him be couple days past I started find out out about girls and how he was talking to them I asked him straight up is there someone else he said no maybe 2 days after that I got more shit from people and we broke up he didn't fight or anything he stopped replying to me and man was I HEART BROKEN ! I didn't have him on anything still had his number but didn't even text him I accepted it in a way, still stalked tho😂 after we broke up it gave me a realization I needed to get in shape and my mom ended up signing us for the same gym he went to man did I want that on purpose so he could see he fucked up so I thought.. I ended up LOVING the gym and lifting and I would run into him here and there.. end of December 2015 , we were at the same party and over text we got in an argument cause he was maybe going to get in a fight and I didn't want that few days pass we met up ,hooked up after maybe a week I went to emergency caught an std (after this I caught it again like 2 more times) & got clean, told him he didn't believe me left it at that didn't talk to him maybe a month or 2 later we started talking cause we would have the same freinds he had different gfs, we started to hook up again.. I'm Freinds with his cousins prior to becoming freinds with them I met them threw ask.fm they didn't know I was with there cousin lol they thought someone else So till this day I go to family parties he never really does , so we never have that issue , now it's the end of November/Beginning of December 2016 he has a gf we hadn't talked for a good while ,he seemed really happy i thought maybe now he's going to have a long relationship which he needed it hurt but I thought it was good for him.. he adds me on Snapchat one again and I was in the town at the gym and we met up I knew nothing was going to happend and we were just hanging out as freinds and so that happend , even tho after he noticed I wasn't all over him and not flirting he started too and I noticed which made it funnier to me and I knew I got to him cause I didn't want him , so when we dated he didn't have a car so I always drove and now he had finally gotten his car which I always wanted and I wanted to drive it but didn't let me do he took me for a ride and took us to we're we use to go when we would hookup and it didn't work but he let me drive and afterwards I left and came home he. Continuously talked to me for about a week or so , we meet up and hook up let me just say best sex we had had in a while.. did I fuckup we kept hooking up I left to a trip in Mexico and he had already planned to meet up when I got back but we didn't not intill maybe a month ago and he has the tendency to add me talk to me and then block me if i say no or if we do hook up and I don't care anymore cause I'm use to it...here's we're it really hit me he picked me up from my house and we drove out and we're not lovey dovey when we're together or anything he's really sarcastic with me and so I am to not show I feel anything for him tho and today I hit me I still have feelings even if I say I hate him cause a part of me does but idk why , when it comes to anyone I know I would choose him , I saw my life with him honestly and it sucks cause I had to kill that dream for myself to not get so hurt and we he dropped me off today I came straight to my room and cried and idk why I don't wanna believe I like him it's only sex and it's like i keep putting what we had into that because I really want to be in a relationship.. My cousin and his think I might be obsessed not actually in love because the way he treats me cause he's an ass but it's not always like that , I've tried staying away and not have him on anything he still finds a way&I I always go😔 my freinds always tell me to stop that I'm dumb as hell and he's using me and it's just sex for me too but then my feelings screw with me and it's not like I don't know but it's so hard and it's never me looking for him it's him looking for me and it's been like that for a while...