Struggling with pumping & self worth

Marli • Lottie Mae norm 3-23-20. Liam Thomas🌈 born 4-7-17. Angel baby 5-4-16. Hubby & I married 11-1-14. Have two Pomeranian `babies`.
Every day, for endless hours, for
Over a week now since we came home I have this view...
My fat belly still in depends because they're the most comfortable thing to wear. 
My pump running, barely putting anything into bottles because I have PCOS and had a reduction, and my son has a lip and tongue tie. And we have to wait
Til May 3 for an appointment to get it reversed. So he can't latch. 
I have to lean forward to make sure every last drop trickles down into the bottles. 
And if I look up from this I get to see someone else (my husband or mom) holding my son feeding him because if I did it, the time it takes plus the time it takes to pump...I'd never eat or sleep again. 
When I envisioned my life with my 1 week old son it was him gazing lovingly into my eyes as he nursed. Not staring at my fat belly in depends and low supply trickling out, making me feel fully inadequate.