I had an early loss right before I got pregnant with my rainbow baby girl. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with her. 

I have anxiety disorder, and it was especially bad in the first trimester. I have been better with panic attacks and the sort, but the anxiety just seems so unbearable sometimes. Today is especially a bad day. Thanks be to God, I've had the most unconventional pregnancy, everything always checks out fine. But I have intrusive thoughts all the time of losing her. They just pop out of nowhere - as if I have PTSD from my miscarriage. My miscarriage was so devastating, that I can't imagine losing her now or later (God forbid). 

I've gone from being terrified of a miscarriage to terrified of stillbirth. Everyday goes by, I fall so much more in love with her, and it scares me. My baby shower is coming up (it's earlier because I'm traveling home for it), and I'm scared of it as well - as if I'm going to jinx her or  something. I don't know. I just hope it's not my intuition and just irrational fear instead.