Has anyone lost their fath and beliefs in god? I'm having a hard time. It's been 2 1/2 years since I had my stillborn son who's heart stopped day before my due date. I've also had 7 miscarriages and struggle to conceive (been ttc 14 years). My husbands family is extremely religious and everything they tell me I feel are bogus bs excuses. "God has a plan" "it was gods way of saying the timing wasn't right" "it'll happen when the timings right" even as far as "its gods way of punishing you" or "that was gods way of telling you it wasn't right and to wait till you're married" (I was legally married to my abuser whom I haven't spoken to in 4 years and been with my so a long time before we got pregnant). What I don't get is I can see these excuses for maybe my miscarriages... but I'm having a hard time believing anything when god knows this is the only thing I've ever wanted my entire life and why would he let me go to my due date just to kill another one? If there was a god why would he be so cruel? And now I can't get pregnant again so I'm back to square one after finally finding answers. How do I believe again? I've prayed, I've gone to church, I've been diligent in my faith, but it's wearing thin and I'm starting to gain hatred towards him especially since there's been 5 new births/pregnancies in the family since I lost my son. A few to the same person. My dreams and the only thing I've ever been passionate about is owning a daycare and having children... now I can't stand to be around babies and apparently can't have kids. I no longer have dreams and losing my will to even live. I'm just so lost.