I am almost 4 months pregnant and for the last almost 4 months I have been having to get used to the fact that I am going to be a single mother. I am lucky to have support of my family (most of them anyway) to help me along on this journey that I was convinced I would have to be taking on my own. The last thing I want is for my son or daughter to grow up without a father, however it wouldn't be the end of the world if they did! I would still do what I had to do to make sure my child had everything they needed. As long as my child is taken care of that is all that matters to me. BUT I received a very long message from my child's father 3 days ago, explaining how sorry he was for the way he talked to me the last time we spoke and the things he had said to me. He explained that at the time he was not ready to accept the fact that he is going to be a father and hoped that by saying those hurtful things, I would terminate the pregnancy and he would receive a "get out of jail free card". However, I did not do that. In fact, it pushed me to want to be a better parent to my child and promise myself and him/her that we would be okay with or without him. He also explained how excited he had become after getting over the terror of realizing he was going to be a father. He anxiously asked questions like "How far along are you? Have you found out the sex yet? How much weight have you gained and is your belly noticeable?" Then asked if he could call me that next day after he was done work to ask more questions he had gathered up. For a split moment I had thought to myself "wow, maybe he has changed, maybe he is growing up and wants to take responsibility. MAYBE, just maybe I won't have to do this by myself after all." But I pulled myself out of that fairytale in my head and faced reality. No one can change overnight and maybe he has grown up, but maybe he hasn't and I'm going to get my hopes up only to be let down. I didn't sleep much that night and I watched the clock that next day. 330 rolled around which is when he gets off work, nothing. 5 o'clock struck and nothing. Soon enough it was 11 o'clock pm and I found myself with no call and no message with any sort of explanation as to why he didn't call. I came to a realization that night, one that I should have come to a long time ago. That realization was that he hadn't changed, and it's only a matter of time before he hurts me again. But only if I let him. I'd like to think that with every passing day I get stronger and stronger. I have my days, like everyone else, but I did not get my hopes up that day. Yeah sure, part of me wanted him to call because that would have at least proved that he was trying. But a bigger part of me knew it wasn't going to happen and to continue doing what I need to do for both myself and my baby. I will never deny him of any rights as a parent, but as for me, I now know that I am better off without him and I have finally accepted it. It's taken a long time, but I am okay with being a single mother. As long as my child is okay, then so am I.