Sharing my story

I was never the one to desperately want kids, there are some woman who know from an early age they were meant to be a mother. That just wasn't me but I said to my husband that after we get married we would try because he was just dying to be a dad. 

We got married in October and were pregnant by December. I really couldn't believe it had happened so quick. The moment I say those two pink lines, my life had changed and I was in love with the idea of being a mum. It was amazing that one of my best friends and my sister in law were pregnant at the time, so we could really go on this journey together. 

Come my 12 week scan, I got news that there may be an issue. My baby could perhaps have a hernia. I cried and researched for days before finally getting an appointment to see a specialist. 

Going into that specialist appointment, I just knew I wasn't coming out happy. So my husband and I sat there while the specialist gave me an ultrasound. I'll never forget the words 'this is unfixable'. My baby had not formed properly and his organs in his stomach were outside of his body. We both knew what we had to do but making that decision damn near broke me. It's an awful thing terminating a pregnancy you desperately wanted. 

Almost 6 weeks on and my body has finally gone back to normal and I'm looking forward to trying again. However emotionally I still feel very raw. And whilst this is not something anyone likes to think about when they are conceiving, myself and so many women out there are now tarnished with the fact that a positive pregnancy test does not mean you get to have a baby.