feeling freaked abt giving birth...

I am feeling so freaked at random intervals these days....like feeling so sick in my stomach and gross to imagine being so exposed having my baby...worrying abt invasive interventions etc. I have issues with my down there privacy since I was sexually abused when I was a kid and other bad experiences. I just feel like it is so humiliating to give birth and have ppl around that area makes me so angry to even imagine... I know giving birth should be a beautiful thing  and I def can't wait to see my baby etc etc but I saw videos of birth and omg I am freaked. I am 36 weeks lol...how can I see this in a normal way and not feel so disgusted inside?...