A month again, my mom found that I was involved in a BDSM relationship with this guy I've been seeing for five months. Before you ask, I'm 18, he's 27, and I was an adult at the time. So, as you can imagine, we did a lot of kinky shit.

She. Was. Pissed. She wanted me to file charges for abuse. I said no. She wanted to kill the guy. I said no.  I never told about his because hey, who just tells their parent the wanna try BDSM? In all essence, I basically snuck around (yeah, I know I'm wrong!)

I've tried explaining to her that it was more than just being beat or tied up. All she sees is abuse and manipulation. We met on Fetlife, which is like the BDSM version of Facebook. And we went from there. I liked him, he liked me. But she thinks that all my relationships are gonna be abusive. She thinks that I deposited some 'demon spirit' in me and that I need psychological help. Needless to say, I pretty much ruined our relationship. She called my dad, along with pastor and some other people she confides in. 

What I wanna know is: where did I go wrong? I told her I wouldn't do it anymore, and she finest want me to. She's more worried since I'm going to college in the fall . But how do I give up something that I feel makes me happy? If you're a submissive, you know your pleasure is derived from pleasing your significant other. 

So what do I do? Do I just give up sex all together, because I hate vanilla? Do I say fuck it and do my own thing? Do I try to make my mom understand so she doesn't look at me with a disappointed look all the time or like she wants to smack me? Where do I go? Who do I please?