missing my baby😢

Iris • Broken.
I made the hardest decision of my life to terminate my pregnancy due to my baby boy having anencephaly and spina bifida. it pains me every day to look down and not see my belly. two months have gone by and I wish things were different. I wish he was okay and I got to see him again in an ultrasound and hear his beautiful heartbeat. I get horrible flashbacks of the dr telling me he would not make it past birth if the pregnancy even lasted that long. it saddens me that I will never know what exactly went wrong or why it happened to my precious angel. I am probably not going to ever know and it is really hard. just venting :(